apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
