U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
