shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
