Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
