if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize