ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
