she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
