in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
