I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
