You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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