Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize