can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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