Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
