I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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