Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
