I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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