you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
