Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We left the knife in your bed.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
