I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
