Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
