just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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