I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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