Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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