Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
