I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
