i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
