Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Found your dick twin last night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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