Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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