party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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