WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
