I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
