everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
