You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
