I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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