I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
