you turned your livingroom into a bong?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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