shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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