I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
