I skipped work to stalk him.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
