You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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