im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
