You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
