I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
