my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
