i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
