I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
