I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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