I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
