im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
