I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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