Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
