Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
