Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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