somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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