dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
