there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
