just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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