apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just cropdusted the office
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize