I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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