Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize