dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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