Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
