Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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