me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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