I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
