You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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